31/12/2011 - Totally Understood

2011 has nevertheless comes to the end. And so does the best things in my life.

I'm such an emo girl right now. I didn't expect this would ever happen to me. You were someone who's the closest and dearest to me in my life right now. And you just left me sobbing without a note.

I such a dream breaker. We have so much dreams.

We plan to get married in a couple of years.

We plan to buy a house together. A home to be exact.

We wanted to travel around the world together.

We wanted to have babies together.

We wanna stick and grow old together.

We always wanting to have a future together. And all these beautiful little things had crashed by me pieces by pieces without mercy.

I don't deserve to have such a perfect boyfriend like you, Gim Hong.

You treated me like a princess.

You showed me love and care with your own unique way.

You called me whenever you're free.

You brings me laughter all the time.

You drive all the way from Klang just to see me.

You bought me lots expensive stuffs just to see me smile despite your financial difficulties.

You tried to change your temper for me.

You always stuff me with delicious food.

You baked & cooked for me.

and list goes on.

and most importantly you do it all without expecting any returns.

It melts my heart, totally.

I'm a lousy girlfriend. For god sake, I've made the same mistakes twice. I've never been matured and confident enough as i thought I am. I find faults all the time. But you will come back to me every single time, but this time, you've confused and started to back off.

However, the truth always lie flat. I knew this day would come that you finally wanna give me up.

I swear I never ever want to leave you, but i know you wouldn't happy to be with me. I chose to let go even though that would be my last ever option if i need to choose.

You're so dearly to me that I wanna see you smile sincerely deep from your heart and not pleasing me.

Forgive me for being so lousy, immature, jealousy, sensitive and stubborn. I know it's all over and done.

"我就是我我不完美，但我会因为简单的理由开心，我经常冒冒失失，碰到很多麻烦，我会失眠，我会内疚，我会伤心，会偶尔口是心非."

Sorry.

Love and cherish you always.

Drop Dead tired

ICE Mobile

Okay, since someone is dying to read my blog till the extend that stalking her everyday reading back her old posts again and again, and AGAIN.. =.=

you're cute, my dear.

There are two reasons of me blogging :-

1) I'm lifeless, and I don't wanna let others know about it so I blog whenever I have something interesting. :/

2) I need someone's attention badly. *double :/*

but now, that 2 reasons for me to blog is gone. All because of you. *wink*

So, now you know why I seldom blog after I met you?

okay, if there's still readers who still once a while dropped by, Thank you guys.. :D

I'm still the old me, loves eating and sleeping as always, still a cry baby, gaining weight like no body business, and most importantly, I'm now an working adult and I'm loving my job, my workplace and my colleagues. :D

Just so you know, I'm working in ICE Mobile Sdn Bhd located in Plaza Sentral as Account Executive. Basically dealing with sms business. Anyone who wanna blast SMS can always find me, we provides quality services and reasonable price. :D

Till then. :)

03.03.11

Happy Birthday to my Bui Kia~~

Whee~ 生日快乐，建葑！

"May you be well & happy always,

May you have a healthy body all the time, *sho sho~ away all the virus n bacteria*

May you excel in your career, *earn more more money and let me spend yea! haha*

May you grow fatter and fatter! *pls no sumo!!!*

May you have more time to spend with me~

Hope you will sayang me more&more~

Hope you will fierce to me lesser&lesser~ :p

Lists goes on.. "

See how good am I, so many wishes for you on ur birthday.. XD

Btw, So sorry that I couldn't be with you on this meaningful day of yours (though you keep emphasizing it's nothing special) ish..

muacks... I can't stop~ I can't stop~ this Love~~ No matter what they say~ I Love You~~~

Happy 58th Dad!

This picture was taken in one of the restaurant in Jalan Imbi before I leaving to UK last year.

I'm not sure whether my dad read my blog or not. Anyway, as you know, we Asian is kinda conserve in expressing our Love to our loved ones. So.... ahem..

"Pa, wishing you a Happy Birthday again. Thank you for bringing me into this beautiful world and raising me up for the past 22 years. I know i just couldn't Thank you and mom enough. You guys have been working so hard for the sake of this family. >.<*aiks.. it's actually a very long paragraph but don't know why it disappear* Anyhow, the last word i wanna say is I LOVE YOU DAD~!"

Till then.

February 4th

Happy 2nd day of CNY~~
It's a very meaningful day for both of us.. =)
I LOVE YOU, LEE.. :p
Muacks..

Happy Bunny Year~~ Gong Xi Fa Cai!!

Stole it from some1 without permission~ hehe.. ^^

Well, this year CNY is abit different from previous years. We had a small family dinner at home instead of having big Liew reunion dinner like the past years.

Couldn't deny that it's kinda dull with the only 1..2...3..and 4.. members. Missed the joy and laughters that we usually had with all the relatives around.. >.<>

Will be heading to temple soon. Happy Chinese New Year to those who celebrate it and Happy Holiday to the non-Chinese.. =D

有你真好!

虽然，我们认识的时间不是很长。
但，却足以能够让我深深的迷恋上你。
就你说那样，这是缘分吧~

能够和你在一起，对我来说是一种福气（多年修来的perhaps?) :p
虽然我单身也有了一段时间，但和你在一起一点也并不陌生。
初恋的感觉很快就回来了。
我只想告诉你，我好喜欢你，好想永远永远和你腻在一起。

我好喜欢每天和你挂在电话上，谈些有的没的，听你说你有多么多么的想我。哈哈~
我好喜欢你对我撒娇，我的心整个都被你融化掉了，你懂吗？
我好喜欢你整天对着电话筒自唱，唱到走完音来逗我。苯蛋~ :p
我好喜欢你的幽默感，很废！可以跟周董拼，但离宪哥还有距离吧。加油哦！
我好喜欢你的细心与长周，让我有安全感， 天涯海角我都会随你去。
我好喜欢你为我紧张的样，虽然每次你都很凶的跟我讲道理，我还是深深地被你这个‘野蛮’男友打败。 >.<

只想告诉你，
我很幸福，有你真好。

Beijing, I AM COMING!

hmm.. last trip of 2010.
Will be back on New Year eve.
Shall set my New Year resolutions now? hmm.. but I'm so tired of thinking.. >.<
Anyhow, the best part about my life in 2010, 2 things:
1) I am officially graduated and had travelled around UK and Europe.
2) I have met my Mr. Right, yup. I'm in a relationship now. whee~


I will be missing him badly in this coming 1 week. :(
However, I am super glad that the first person that I can see when I landed will be him. And I will have him counting down Year 2011 with me. whee~ It really makes me a happy girl.. ^^

okay, it's time to bed now,
Good night World,
Good night Love..

I want a Puppy!

I've always wanted to have a puppy since I was young.
But, mom never allows me to do so.
She dislikes dog and is afraid of the mess.
I've promised her that I would be fully responsible for that.
But still, she stands strong on her point.
:(

I always love the potluck season,
Apart from the foods and meet ups with all the relatives and cousins,
I can play with the puppies.
There will always be 2 Poodles and 1 Shih tzu.
Damn adorable I could say.

I'm so gonna get one when I'm financially stable.
Perhaps it would be the time where we owned a house together.
Hopefully he's a pet lover too.
Isn’t it sweet?
Just like the movie ‘Marley and Me’. A very emotional movie.. sobs..
Though it’s still a long way to go, but I’ll make this dream come true. :)
Maybe a Poodle for me, and a Golden Retriever for him? LOL.

F-R-E-E

Whee... I'm officially unemployed now..

Just completed 1 of my failed CIMA paper last Thursday, saw alot of familiar faces that I met on last sitting.. >.<>

I wanna go for Jay's coming concert!

I wanna go for movie!

I wanna go Jogoya!

I wanna join back Celebrity Fitness.

I wanna go shopping cos most of my baju doesn't fit me anymore. :'(

I wanna get rid of my lemaks... @.@

I wan my body back to its shape...

sigh!

till then. continue my drama.. :)

Appreciation

Had a chat with Daddy this morning, he was really depressed and disappointed with the issue facing by the Liew big family. Grandpa just passed away four years ago, and all the brothers and sisters starting to fight for their shares.

I thought this only happened in dramas, but I witnessed it on the other day. One of the sibling were shouted like a mad dog asking for appreciation for taking care of their father.

Appreciation is something that you EARNED for it.. and not something that you ASKED for it on what you've done.

You said you would rather die than taking care of him. Fuck you! I don't give a damn la whether you're my uncle or what.. just imagine your dad, my grandpa were there listening what you've said.. How would he felt? sigh~

It really scares me; Money is really a powerful beast.

I saw fine lines and wrinkles on dad's face. No more black and healthy hair but white and dry. Everything he does is for the sake of the big family but no one appreciate it. What they know is to wait for the money to reach their hand. sigh. I wonder will I be so materialistic when I've grown up? :(

Foods!

Was exploring the Picasa software that I just downloaded.. and TA-DA!












These are all the foods that I cooked or ate when I was in UK. Though it might look bland or whatsoever.. But it's a great accomplisment for me ok. Someone who never need to worry what's-for-dinner for the past 22 years! LOL.

okay, back to study! :D

smiley face =)

Well, some of my friends were so concerned about me regarding my previous post. You guys never know how important are those cheer up messages to me. It made me feel like I'm still 'some one' in this world. I'm not alone. Thank you!

Though I don't know who visited my blog. But I know they're still some body who cares for me, who wanna know how am I doing etc. Especially you. Yes you! Do leave me a message, and it'll definitely make my day! =)

For those who curious about my previous post, hmm.. make it simple. Both of us confronted each other, and we spurted out all our dissatisfactions. I hope things will eventually improve between both of us.

Currently addicted to Criminal Minds. Completed the 6th season and waiting for the release of new epi! ANTM is one of my current addiction too! arrgh.. I gotta start studying..

15 days left only..

My degree is like a shit, I can't afford not to pass my CIMA now.. Work hard for it LMJ! :)

I'm a bitch?

I know I'm the bitch you're referring to. Seriously, I was being called as a bitch for the first time in my life. Yes, BITCH! Never in my life had I thought this would happen to me. I tried my best to be nice to everyone all these while. Though some times I felt tired of being overly NICE. People tend to taking advantage over me. But seriously, I don't mind as long as you don't cross the border of my patient level. But, BITCH! I was seriously heartache. Especially being called by you. The one who used to treat me like a princess..

Am I really that nasty to you?

I'm confused..

You said

"After so long, deep inside me, a tiny little bit of me wants to talk to you again, hence, all the apology and long-winded stories. Turns out, you're still the same."

What do you mean by I'm still the same? What you expect me to do? I tried to talk to you. I tried to ask you out. But how you responded me? The way you talked to me and the way you talk to others were totally contrast. It’s like I’m forcing you. Do you expect me to act like nothing, hypnotizing myself that you’re still the old you?

People are afraid of rejection. So do me.

I need encouragement. A LOT A LOT of it. You knew it perfectly.

Another thing, you said “What happened to what you told me? What happened to all the promises? It turns out to be all bullshits from you again.”

I know it’s very irresponsible of saying I forgotten what I’ve promised you. I admit that I don’t keep promises all the time. Not that I’m intentionally. I have an awful memory cells. I swear. Or perhaps I’m selective towards memories. I’ve gone through a lot. I lost the most precious person in my life when I was young. Ever since, I’m selective towards remembering things. Especially promises that I’m made to someone I cared a lot. I’m afraid of unable to fulfilling it, so I chose not to remember it. I know this is bullshits. I shouldn’t have promise it if I can’t fulfill it right? Sorry is the only word I can say now. I know it wouldn’t change anything. And I would be grateful if you remind me again the promises that I’ve broken.

Which I know it’s impossible, because it’s not important for you anymore.

I shouldn’t start making empty promises from now on. I know it hurts.

You know, both of you were the one that understand me the most. I swear. Not even my mom understands me like u two. That’s why I’m afraid. I’m afraid of exposing too much of myself.

I have low self-esteem. Especially towards people that I cared.

I’m afraid of how they see me as.

I’m afraid of them hating me after knowing the real me.

That’s why I usually don’t initiate myself. Not that I’m arrogant. I’m just too coward.

Sorry for being a bitch to you. Sorry for causing you dilemma.

And I guess you really mean it when you said you’re seriously done with me.

Friendship for 9 years and it just vanished.

In conclusion, I don’t deserve to have you guys.

Minesweeper!

'm soooo addicted to it wei..

yea. the one that you thought it was a try-ur-luck so that you won't kena the bomb when you was a child! (or maybe it was only me that thinks like that, how naive!)

I've been playing it days and nights nowadays... even more addictive than facebook or pps.. >.<

Till then, shall continue playing.. :S

Sleepless night

it's 5a.m. now. And i'm still sitting here. wtf.

just so u know, it's only 9p.m. in UK.. arrgh.. safe me!! i can't be continuously sleeping around this time and waking up in the noon every day. =.=

22/10/10 - meet up with Nicole, like finally! Followed her to Help in assisting her to conduct experiment. Indeed a very good experience! Testing human's plagiarism by using boggle. Then headed to Midvalley for our late lunch.

23/10/10 - Grandpa said wanna treat me a 'wash dirt' dinner. had it in Wangsa Maju Pizza Hut. First time having fastfood with grandparents? cool huh?! i hardly even have it with my parents. :D

24/10/10 - Teman-ed mom to Pavilion today. Realised that there loads of designer brands here that UK are selling relatively cheap compared to Malaysia. I wish I have the cash to visit UK again just to SHOP! xp and no more free 2 hours parking for purchases above RM100 now. upgraded to RM200. wtf. later then, headed to Brickfields, it's exactly an Indian town now. Whatever u need, sari, muruku, flowers, diabetic cookies etc. Picked up Bro n Cally from KL central and headed to Jaya 33, lepak-ed around and off to Imperial Garden for another 'wash dirt' dinner. Bloated.

Mom just woke up and knocked on my door found out that I'm still awake. 'm Sounded. ish..

i shall start working my ass on my coming F3 CIMA paper.. 'm serious! *big eyes*

22/10/2010

I guess you won't be bother entering my blog again, don't you?
I thought things could get better since I was out of your sight for the past 1 year.
Is your life better without me interrupting?
You wouldn't know how badly i missed the times that we had/shared together.
Those post break-up days where we still share everything with each other every single day, chatted till late mid night, calling each other idiot, you telling me what's the latest hits, gossips etc.
Why good things always go against me?
I thought we could still be at least good friends afterall.
but the way you replied me this morning really broke my heart into pieces. Why do i always find your words stabbing my heart unconsciously everytime we talked. I guess Karma is acting on me? Sorry is the only word i can say now.


mesmerizing C21, the moment we had during your 18th Birthday. Innocent yet sweet.

Hoping you have a bright future undertaking, and Thank you for being the first person teaching me what Love is. Sorry for everything.

21/10/2010

首先，原谅我超有“水准”六年级程度的华语，好吗？>.<
在这宁静的晚上，种种的回忆不停的浮在我的脑海里。
我不是一个很会说话，也不会表达自己的一个女孩。所以在众人的眼中，我是一个很内向，很冷酷,很骄傲的一个人。但是，事实并不是这样。认识我久以后就会认同吧~
我是一个：
超blur，超摸，超傻，超婆妈，超爱睡，超爱吃，超爱逞强，超爱吃醋，超被动
在家人或死党面前，我可以放荡的表现我自己，因为我知道，只有他们不会批评我，接受我的全部吧！

友情 - 好友我多的是，但，知己，又有几个呢？对你，我又爱又恨。我感谢你这些年来对我的照顾与关怀。我也感谢你把我当成你的好姐妹。但，有时你对我的不满，或我达不到你的要求，我真得透不过气来。我知道你会说，你再乎我，所以才会这样。我明白，也了解。但，当你定的目标越来越高，而我也离目标越来越远了，你不但没给予鼓励，反而摆出你的脸色给我看，希望我会了解你。人是会累的。。
我并不是要丢弃你，是你自己放弃了我们。

对另一个你，我不知道是什么。是感情吗？还是一时的冲动或寂寞。我不知道，我只知道在你心中已有令一个她了。

Home Sweet Home!!

finally, i'm back to my country, love it or not.. it's still place where i grew up.
Malaysia, My Home. =)

viewed back my blog and found out that my birthday post. reminded me of how i celebrated it in UK. My group of friends actually threw me a surprise birthday party in common room.. So sweet of them~ AMA rocks!!

*no pictures, cos don't know why couldn't upload* sigh!

I'm having a serious jetlag these few days. Meet up with Adrian last night, chatted till late mid night still not feeling sleepy at all. reached home, golek-ed till 5am only managed to sleep and woke up around 3pm the next day. wtf right? >.<

Things changes tremendously during these four months. mixture of happy and sad. i guess i've grown up as a more mature 'girl' after all these things happened. Yes, i still call myself a girl, or perhaps, not a girl, not yet a woman.
i have a very low EQ, i can't handle all the -ships properly.
Friendship especially. I've gained and I've lost. Though i've gained more than lost. but the one and only lost is enough to leave a deep scar in my heart.
anyway, stop with the emo-ness.
will update this blog again when i got the time.. till then..