I'm a bitch?

I know I'm the bitch you're referring to. Seriously, I was being called as a bitch for the first time in my life. Yes, BITCH! Never in my life had I thought this would happen to me. I tried my best to be nice to everyone all these while. Though some times I felt tired of being overly NICE. People tend to taking advantage over me. But seriously, I don't mind as long as you don't cross the border of my patient level. But, BITCH! I was seriously heartache. Especially being called by you. The one who used to treat me like a princess..

Am I really that nasty to you?

I'm confused..

You said

"After so long, deep inside me, a tiny little bit of me wants to talk to you again, hence, all the apology and long-winded stories. Turns out, you're still the same."

What do you mean by I'm still the same? What you expect me to do? I tried to talk to you. I tried to ask you out. But how you responded me? The way you talked to me and the way you talk to others were totally contrast. It’s like I’m forcing you. Do you expect me to act like nothing, hypnotizing myself that you’re still the old you?

People are afraid of rejection. So do me.

I need encouragement. A LOT A LOT of it. You knew it perfectly.

Another thing, you said “What happened to what you told me? What happened to all the promises? It turns out to be all bullshits from you again.”

I know it’s very irresponsible of saying I forgotten what I’ve promised you. I admit that I don’t keep promises all the time. Not that I’m intentionally. I have an awful memory cells. I swear. Or perhaps I’m selective towards memories. I’ve gone through a lot. I lost the most precious person in my life when I was young. Ever since, I’m selective towards remembering things. Especially promises that I’m made to someone I cared a lot. I’m afraid of unable to fulfilling it, so I chose not to remember it. I know this is bullshits. I shouldn’t have promise it if I can’t fulfill it right? Sorry is the only word I can say now. I know it wouldn’t change anything. And I would be grateful if you remind me again the promises that I’ve broken.

Which I know it’s impossible, because it’s not important for you anymore.

I shouldn’t start making empty promises from now on. I know it hurts.

You know, both of you were the one that understand me the most. I swear. Not even my mom understands me like u two. That’s why I’m afraid. I’m afraid of exposing too much of myself.

I have low self-esteem. Especially towards people that I cared.

I’m afraid of how they see me as.

I’m afraid of them hating me after knowing the real me.

That’s why I usually don’t initiate myself. Not that I’m arrogant. I’m just too coward.

Sorry for being a bitch to you. Sorry for causing you dilemma.

And I guess you really mean it when you said you’re seriously done with me.

Friendship for 9 years and it just vanished.

In conclusion, I don’t deserve to have you guys.